Working through a problem: Addiction

I could feel the pull as the clock ticked away. As night approached, I felt a jonesing to make my way to the casino, a place where I have slowly spent a considerable amount of time and money.

But, on the verge of throwing off all that I could have done else, I made a decision to not go. The night prior, feeling the urge as well, I downed half a bottle of wine, something I have never done, in hopes of scaring away the demon. It worked but then there was the next day to contend with.

You would think, once you find your life in order that the need to reset the clock would be the furthest thing from your mind. In my case, it isn't far enough away. Where once I spent time jumping from job to job, never quite fitting in and finding myself searching again for a place to pay the bills, I had finally found that there was something I could do, at the same place for a long period of time, and that I would be able to relax and enjoy the fruits of my labor.

But right before this period three years ago I found myself trying my luck at the casino for the first time in a long time. I hadn't been a habitual gambler up until this point. I had played some games some time but, three years ago, I had no idea what lay ahead. Now, sitting here tonight, I have done nothing to be proud of other than avoid another night of regrettable behavior.

The only good thing that has come out of this is probably the fact that it may have spurred me on to work on my creative pursuit in writing. I have been more prolific in the past three years than at any other time. While I haven't met much success in my writing, I am doing it and getting it out there. But, in trade, I dug a very deep hole that I am now just climbing out of financially.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am glad I made it one more night. It gives me hope for the future, as well, to try and avoid repeating it but, as we all are, I am only as good as I say.

Good luck to anyone trying to overcome a difficulty in their life.