My diet

I rarely, if ever, get sick. I don't know why. I am not the healthiest of eaters, truthfully. I just don't get sick.

So you may be wondering how I keep healthy? Well, start smoking, first off. I smoke about 5-10 cigarettes a day. Camel turkish Gold is my choice as my last brand is no longer made.

Avoid fast food entirely. Every time used to eat fast food my stomach would reject it almost immediately. After a while you don't even miss it. Then you can force yourself to eat in your house and eat better. Don't cheat and eat frozen pizzas or pre-made dinners. They are just as bad as fast food and have a lot of preservatives.

Lift weights. I don't care if it is a set of 5 lbs. weights, lift them. Put them in a place where they do not get buried in a pile either. I put them next to my bed and lift them all the time.

Sleep. Nap when you can and try to get eight solid hours of sleep. Sleep in and don't go under the covers unless you are planning to sleep for the night. No television in the bedroom either.

Drink coffee. Any variety, just have some everyday. For budget reasons, make some at home. Just make sure you know how to use your espresso maker (mine exploded).

Don't do drugs. As the guy on South Park says, "Drugs are bad, m'kay?" Drinking heavily counts as well. Stop it! Drinking is soooo overrated.

I haven't needed to see a doctor for almost a decade. I missed one day from work being ill from eating at IHOP. (You see).

Peace.

Our economy sucks!

This economy is a tough thing to swallow. Everyday, as America plunges worse and worse into the economy reality we have allowed to occur, we, the citizenry, are learning that it is almost too late to course correct and a tax refund check is very Weimar Republic all over again.

No politician wants to dissuade voters from returning them to their post but the reality is overwhelmingly glum. We all have fun with paying little or nothing for things only to have the consequences erode the ideals of our country. While at once we want to pay $2 for a gallon of gas, we don't cry foul enough for the devaluation of the dollar due to borrowing more than we take in. A nation cannot afford to run deficits forever. It is like refinancing ones home every month rather than making a payment.
No one politician gets on the stump and gives us the reality of the economy. It's too hard to swallow. You can't tell people that their tax dollars, those that they grow angrier everyday about, don't cover what they were supposed to. And far be it for them to tell us that roads and sewers and power lines cost money. The truth is masked to win votes while real issues are swept aside to keep power, plain and simple.
When a politician is willing to admit that we need to tighten our belts and cut programs, both popular and not, then we can start to undo the damage done by the political machine.
We deserve better because we are better. We once had principles, at least in theory, and we constantly tell ourselves that we are the best. During the Great Depression our government and the people pulled us out of the mud and put pride back into our hearts. Even if we are a divided people, we can learn to accept the middle ground and work together to recover.

Let's work together, what do you say?

Can I get a new job?

I am not one to complain without merit. People always get that wrong about me. They think I am cynical but I am not. I am critical, yes, but not cynical. Cynicism is when you look for ways to find all that is wrong with any plan or take issue with what one says to be cruel. I, on the other hand, like to think that I see the bad in the situation and point it out... That's what you're supposed to do, isn't it?

At my workplace it is just a load of fun in the sense that those that control the situation are always, bless their hearts, making things better to make things better... Or so it seems. Like spending money on things that do not affect the operation of a restaurant. I uniforms are great, if you need to feel that your servers need look militant. Then they decided to brand so many things in our restaurant that are unnecessary. They come up with coasters that have some of drinks on them. They come up with writing our company name on the napkins. Why? Because they are afraid that the guest forgets where they are while sitting there? And, if you need to write our drinks on a coaster, then your server isn't selling, they're just serving.

I think more than at any other time in history, we have too many choices for our eating entertainment. I think this had created people who can go to a restaurant not to try anything new but to get what they are comfortable with. I, for one, do not try to stand in the way of these people. I encourage it because, just like them, I like to go to a certain place for a certain thing. Why try to change their minds unless they ask?

And this is why I need a new job. Something where I don't obsess over the stupid things that my job makes me obsess over.

The other day I also figured out that the modern sit-down restaurant is trickled down economics and it makes me ill. I have to beg my monied masters for their pittance so that I may keep my meager lifestyle going. I hate that! I am a liberal, and damn proud of it.

I wish it were easy to move into a career where I actually look forward to showing up everyday. Granted, my dreams are pretty big. I want to be a professional stage or screen writer. I work on plays and screenplays and try to come up with interesting things only to not go anywhere with it. But I keep doing it, in hopes that one day I will make it. But I am fast approaching my mid-30s and I am closing off that point where the Hollywood or Broadway machine want writers to be. Maybe I am way past the cool new kid and into the pathetic wannabe. Motherfucker!

But I'm not giving up, not yet anyway. I actually have three plays I am working on and about three screenplays that are in their early stages... Wish me luck.

Peace.

It's good to be home

I've just finished my ninth shift in seven days. I am, how you'd say, pretty beat?

But I do not get a reprieve. My schedule for next week is the same as this week only different sections. I am being assigned seven shifts per week on a regular basis now.

I really shouldn't complain too much. I mean, if you think about it, I am lucky to have a job, right? If the media is right, the economy is in the toilet. Heck, we should all be thanking our lucky stars to have anything. Housing is slumping, the dollar is weak and getting weaker and oil is not slowing down in price.

I realized, the other day, that being a server is based in the trickled down economy. Sometimes, when those that need to be waited on need to be treated, we hope and pray that they throw us a bone. Sometimes they go above and beyond and others surprise the hell out of you with how cheap they are.

But that's how I get paid. If I didn't get tips but a paycheck, it would be different. I wouldn't need to kiss ass and be as nice to someone who is a jerk. But I do have to and restaurants love that they do not have to pay us more than they are required to by law... Awesome for them.

Peace.

The American can't afford it

I work enough hours at my job to make some money and have some fun. But the reality is that I am stuck in a rut and, frankly, I think a lot of people are in the same rut.

You see, I'm not talking about what one does for a living but rather what that income can get you. If someone makes $30,000 annually, could the afford to buy a house? And, if they could afford a house, could they even afford to keep it?

I wonder this because, with simple lifestyle I have, I can't imagine owning a property on what I make. I could have a roommate, sure, but that's not what I would want. But I have one now and own nothing.

I think that we have gone far off course in America insofar as we all cannot have the dreams because we have been forced into stations, stations where, even if you do what you were supposed to do, you might not get a chance due to something beyond your control.

I like to write. I have compiled dozens of works and work on new things all the time. But the only way I can be a writer of my choosing is to hope that someone, somewhere, gives me a shot. Otherwise I am just another waiter.

I know I went off track there but that's what I am writing today.

Peace.

Too tired to blog so...

... I bring you pictures of monkeys. I love monkeys. I laugh at monkeys.
These monkeys are especially my favorite.

Peace.

Raising interest by lowering mine

As of today I have paid almost nothing down on my student loans. In fact, I have probably paid over $10,000 to move pretty much nowhere near being paid off.

It is a two-fold problem, really. One is that I dare not send large sums as not to put myself in harms way of not being able to make a payment if money were to get tight. The other is the over 7 percent interest I am paying.

Now, as I look at it, I am getting raked over the coals by a low payment in exchange for the next two decades of payments. Yeah!!! Fucking yeah!!!

So I thought about it the other day and am giving thought to taking out a large personal loan and consolidating all of my bills so that I make one payment per month. Only problem is that I can write off my student loan interest during taxes but, then again, I don't think it means that much as far as money in return.

I'm going to have to pay off my debt someday and, if I could, get someplace other than another apartment to live.

But there is a thought that I would love the candidates to talk about during this election and that is lowering the interest on student loans.

Higher education is a privilege and it aught not be. We should all be educated to have skills so that, one day, we can do what we want for a career, not what we have to do. One way is to allow us to borrow the money and repay it without making a profit for the lender. I'm not talking about breaking the bank and putting them out of business but this is an investment into the future of America. Why should we have to be bled dry to have an education? Isn't our ridiculous tuition prices bad enough?

Peace.

Dreaming about work

I work a lot. At a minimum I work five shifts per week. Right now I am in a pattern of having six or more shifts a week. With little free time and a constant feeling of having to do something with my time, I am bordering on being crazy.

But to just pile more on, I also dream about work almost every night. And it isn't just the job I have, waiting tables, but I am back in the Air Force Reserve, something I left behind over a year ago, and I am going nuts by it.

It's not that I don't enjoy what I do. I take great pride in how I do my job and it gives me a comfortable life. But it seems endless right now. The dream dictionary gives me the definition that I feel like I have unfinished business at work but that doesn't apply to my line of work. What I think the dreams mean is that I feel pulled every which direction and have fallen into a pattern where I am becoming more anxious and more aggravated and it will eventually consume me. I found myself going gambling just to get away from all of it only to have that become part of my routine.

So far, and that is a short so far, I am trying to eliminate the bad habits and get into more adventurous ones to spice it up but it's going to be a long, long journey back to what I consider sanity.

Peace.

Our political process

Ah the media. Owned by corporations and giving us what they think we want, what we don't necessarily need, and doing it to make a buck or two. They have struck again and, like most other times, they create their own drama.

This past week we saw Barrack Obama raked over the coals again for making a comment that, frankly, some people, not all, don't agree with. He unfortunately used phrasing that made him appear to be an elitist, pointing to our love of fear and how Pennsylvanians could vote based on their love of guns and God.

Now, don't get me wrong, I hate the idea that voting, the one thing we truly get a say with (take with grain of salt) is based on arbitrary things like your views on religion and firearms but that's the kind of America we live in.

But to not address the issue of why we vote is to not get to the true nature of electing people. When driven by fear, we get presidents like George W. Bush. Playing off the fear that our personal safety is always at stake, we could, hopefully not, elect John McCain. Is that what we want?

Politicians wield a whole lot of power. They can affect commerce, infrastructure and a whole of people's lives. If they so choose, they could get you or I an opportunity to have jobs in our community or put us on the front line of the war.

But what people base their decisions on can be far too complex to give the right, not necessarily the most popular, the job of governance. Some argue that we should have to be informed to vote. Others argue that we should just keep everything exactly the same way.

I would say that we should amp up the qualifications to be a candidate, therefore negating the need to be an informed voter. We could make it so that anyone wanting to be a politico has to have a license to be so. They could have to take a series of courses and exams and get certified to be in government. That way, when it comes to running for office, we know that this person isn't just trying to get into power to get into power.

Right now we are given all stripes of people in power. Most come from being lawyers and businesspeople. The rare few are physicians or actors (really?) and it runs like a popularity contest. But if all had to have the same qualifications then we could be guaranteed that they had all, at minimum, read the U.S. Constitution and the Bill of Rights.

Of course, that would take me out of the running but, then again, would you vote for an atheist, non-gun-owning liberal? Don't think so.

Peace.

Cory and Ian's Birthday

What could have been horrible, the thought of two over 30s celebrating their birthday in a kid-centric location, actually turned out to be a lot of fun.

Cory and Ian share back-to-back birthdays, albeit two years apart. With this reality, Krista, Ian's wife, and I came up with a plan to meet at Chuck E. Cheese's and celebrate with friends.

I was wary at first, I admit, because, well, Cory sometimes is apprehensive to the thought of going out in venues not of his choosing. However, things turned out fun. We got some pizzas, decent for the price, and got a pretty sweet deal that included 100 tokens, to which we were able to curtail into a night of playing 100 different games.

I also thought Kathleen wouldn't enjoy herself but she had a lot of fun, especially on a game called the "Flaming Finger." It was quite frustrating, actually. Not one of our great, intelligent minds was able to defeat this game, although we all came close.

The prizes for some of the games was tickets which we used to get some crap toys. I think we all had more fun trying to win the prize tickets than actually getting the prizes.

All in all it was a fun day. It start with Kathleen and I getting our respective bicycles. It was unnerving trying to get mine home since I had to use the exterior rack for the first time but it stayed on. Unfortunately the garage where I would be storing it is pretty disgusting, as I noticed all the other bikes were covered in soot.

Happy birthday Cory and Ian!

I like to ride my bicycle...

Okay, I haven't picked it up yet but, Saturday, with a feeling of adventure, I purchased my latest toy: A road bike.

I went to my old company, Erik's Bike Shop, and bought myself the bike I always wanted, sort of. It isn't the latest nor greatest but it will be great for me. Thanks to the tax check most of us will be getting, it will also cost me very little out of pocket.

I am looking forward to a healthy escape from my daily life and this just may be the answer I was looking for.

Normally I am one to go half-hearted into working out. Sure, I lift weights occasionally and, even more ocassionally, I go to the gym but this could be just thing I am looking for.

Most times when one goes out in a car or on foot they have an intention. I drive to a certain place to do a certain thing. With a bike you don't need to have a certain place to go, just the adventure of it.

I will be posting more about my adventures in cycling and hope that I get something out of it. Stay tuned.

The head hurts

Today, after beginning my shift, I felt this strange, painful feeling in my head. Unaware of it throughout the day, I really felt like a cloud dwelt in my skull.

And it didn't go anywhere, not even right now as I write this. It is the feeling of guilt. I am feeling guilty because of my actions the other night when, in another obsessive moment of poor behavior, I found my way to the casino where I managed to lose myself in a cycle of highs and lows that cost me something dear to me: My dignity.

If I had it all to do over again, three years ago, I would have changed things in a heartbeat. That is the thoughts I have now, knowing full well that I enable my bad behavior by giving in, time and again, to the anxiety that builds up in me.

I can't quite put my finger on why I do it. It's not as if I expect something different to happen, it is merely that I need to get away from my life for a couple of hours, the places I know, the people I know. I have allowed myself to be overwhelmed with the life that I have to take the blame for.

But can one ever break a bad cycle on their own? Are the capable of ever regaining the trust that they lose when the promise not to do it again only to do it again?

It is not that I have hurt anyone but myself in my actions. I lose some money, some sleep and, in the end, I reset myself. I feel bad for a couple of days and then get right back to a feeling of normal. But then, after a couple of tough shifts, which seem compounded lately because of being understaffed, I get the urge to break away. I know that I can't fly away or drive out of town so I do the next best thing. I go to the casino where, for a couple of hours, I can escape. But I'm not really escaping, I'm creating a poor place to vent off. I go through a pattern of winning, then losing, then not caring, then spending more and then, sometimes, I get really lucky only to squander that luck and be a loser again. I am a loser, no matter how you slice it.

As much as I would love to put it all behind me, I don't know how. I have created a vicious cycle that goes against character. I don't spend much time in my personal life working so hard on anything. I don't drive myself into the ground any other way. Sure, I work a lot and I get paid handsomely for the effort but I could care less since I make ends meet plus some. I have nothing to strive for other than something so far out of reach that I can't see being debt free anytime soon. So what does it matter? Am I really hurting anyone? Is that even a good justification?

My only available options seem to be going into counseling. You see, I have to learn to be happy and sustain it, not do something painful only to end up regretting it and setting myself back again.

Wish me luck, whatever path I take. It's going to be a tough road.

Peace.

Performance Reviewed

Today I sat down with the manager of my restaurant, Big Bowl, and proved, once again, that if you are a self-conscious person who feels the need to drive themselves crazy by working harder than everyone else, you can get a good performance review.

It was nice to be able to tell my concerns and be told how I did at my job, but I kinda feel like things are necessarily taken seriously when it comes to the quality of workers I have to deal with.

Now, most of the people I work with are "cool" but some are bad apples, not in the way of selling drugs or robbing people but don't really give a crap about the job they are at. Sure, they are there to make money but it is the general sense of apathy that is warming to others who would rather be somewhere else, all the while I am here and trying my best to make ends meet.

Hopefully, at some future time, things will get better. The apathetic ones will either grow up or move on. I would rather they grow up and, for the most part, I am surrounded by older workers (those in their late 20s, 30s) so it isn't all bad.

I'm sure my feelings are no different than any other place on Earth, only that this is the corner I choose to stay in. Bummer for me...

Peace.

Culpability

When you do something, anything, you need to responsible for the outcome of these action. What you do, as much as you say, can have affects long after the words leave your lips or your hands leave that button.

But, as an outside observer of the current state of politics in America, I can only see a lack of responsibility in the halls of government, at least from those who are most visible.

I am using the ideas of culpability and accountability as my battle cry for this political season. Do you what you say you will and don't forget to govern all, not just those you wish. Politicians seem to forget this, living in a bubble that the lowest common denominator become lost in the rhetoric and pep rallies that are currently driving us toward the November elections.

Don't believe me? The politicians speak to change, acting as if, by saying it more and more, it will actually happen. But what changes? Where do those bottom dwellers get their fair shake? And, if they intend to get our votes, hear our voices, will they live up to the ideals set out by the definition of being in a democratic society?

In my travels and through my life, I listen to those voices that I both agree and disagree with. There are those that live a life that is fulfilling and those that pretend to. Often, because of what I have observed, I can see through facades. It's not as if their are intentionally misleading, it is that they are fooling themselves.

A good example is the naive acts of the uninformed. There are those, the majority of voters, that base their decisions on arbitrary pieces of information: Skin color, sex, social status. They strive to understand the controlled messages put out by candidates, not realizing it is mostly snake oil. Promises are made, not kept, and the voter, those who hold faith that their voice was heard, are left without that which they voted for.

I find it interesting that, while we wage war in Iraq, it is not the Republicans that hold themselves to scrutiny over the bad decisions made by their leadership. And yet the Democrats, pretending to want to stop it, don't pull the plug when they have the power to do so. Meanwhile lives, livelihood and future consequences are so simple to rectify that someone like me, an educated, working-class citizen could solve it in a moment.

The term "politics as usual" will be around long after November. The cumulative affect of what went into process decades ago has turned our country into a big turd. While we want to believe all is well, we don't see that the land of the free is sold and we have all become tourists.

so, come November, and later January 20th, 2009, I won't be holding my breath or wringing my hands. I realize the reality is that culpability and accountability are just words critics of the body politic can use to sell books and create conversations at the coffee shops. It's too bad there is no true revolutionaries left in America. And, if there were, the government is way to powerful and complex to actually make a difference... Man, life's a bitch.

Peace.