So, here I am on the eve of taking an improv class. I have never taken such a thing but I can remember playing the game "freeze" in high school.
So I am going to what I believe is the best spot in town, hoping to both learn and prosper. I figure I am sometimes funny and I know a lot about the world so I guess I just need to think about confidence.
Over the past years I have had no real reason to feel confident.I am working at a job I don't want, living in an apartment I don't like and hanging out with people I really don't want to.
But this one is for me so I am looking forward to it. Credit card be damned (I will regret later saying)!
In my quest to experience life, I think this will be a good venture to see if I can interpret what I have seen. Granted, most of what I have seen is in small doses or on television...
That's it! That is why they say that people who want to write shouldn't watch so much television. It is because it is a medium that only gives you a visual glimpse into reality that is already "produced." Therefore, if you were to only watch television, these are mostly made up characters. Emulation is futile because no one would really act in such a manner.
Sorry, blog that only I read. I didn't mean to jump around. I just saw something and went for it.
Peace.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
The human character
So, recently I have been thinking quite a bit about the idea of character. Having tried to be a writer, at least to myself and, more recently, putting on a play that I wrote, I have been trying to dig into what makes a character and why they do what they do.
People can either create their character or interpret the traits of other characters as a conglomeration of a bunch of things they observe.
Artists are here to do the same as well. One can either originate or interpret the work of another. They are a marriage, truly. They are necessary to the success of the other. Think about the unread book, the unseen movie, the unheard song. Without your eyes, your ears, your senses, these things exist just for themselves.
When people become conscious of who they are, of what they do, do these choose to embrace their traits or do they try to sculpt them in different ways? Example: I would like to know how to cook. After acquiring the tools of the trade, do I cook? Not really. I did make mashed potatoes and I made my version of huevos rancheros but I don't know how to cook. Ir my unplayed guitar. Good intentions but poor execution.
So, does the character, the human character, always do what is supposed to or does it try to remain an undefinable entity? I'll let you know when I figure it out.
People can either create their character or interpret the traits of other characters as a conglomeration of a bunch of things they observe.
Artists are here to do the same as well. One can either originate or interpret the work of another. They are a marriage, truly. They are necessary to the success of the other. Think about the unread book, the unseen movie, the unheard song. Without your eyes, your ears, your senses, these things exist just for themselves.
When people become conscious of who they are, of what they do, do these choose to embrace their traits or do they try to sculpt them in different ways? Example: I would like to know how to cook. After acquiring the tools of the trade, do I cook? Not really. I did make mashed potatoes and I made my version of huevos rancheros but I don't know how to cook. Ir my unplayed guitar. Good intentions but poor execution.
So, does the character, the human character, always do what is supposed to or does it try to remain an undefinable entity? I'll let you know when I figure it out.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Modern human development
A long time ago, long before the dawn of civilization, humans had basic necessities: Eat, sleep and procreate. In there they also probably sought shelter, since their skin had only a limited amount of hair and, judging by the climates we chose to inhabit, we would need to have someplace to keep us warm during the crap weather.
Eventually we created tools, like most creatures do. Our hands and feet were great for some things but not all. It was easier to dig holes or carry things with the right equipment. And clothing also helped us maintain our body temperature when were to lazy to move beyond our season-changing locations.
So, flash forward to modern times, we not only have all the basics covered but we have moved well beyond into the world of automation and motion. We can travel farther, faster and more than we could have imagined in our hides and bone tools. However, many of us are become complacent to the world and this is troubling, to say the least.
With all the advancements we have made we all begin assuming rather than knowing. We assume we are guaranteed tomorrow or guaranteed that, if we work, we will be provided with the currency to provide ourselves the means by and which we survive. Of course, in a modern world, no one has to worry too much about these fundamental things because, well, we have support structures and safety nets and, the evil of all evils, credit.
Our world is now in a false peril because of that last little bit. Once assumed that, if one puts forth an effort, one is rewarded. So we extend and extend and extend ourselves out to the point where the house of cards could crumble at any moment. I am not just talking about the small change stuff like credit cards and car loans. I am talking about loans from banks to other banks, investment loans and business loans. I am referring to companies extending themselves on the false assumption that a short-term demand (in the grander scheme of things) is enough reason to extend oneself to the brink of collapse.
Banks are a thing that I have become more and more intrigued with as of late. The headlines alone give one reason to pause because the collective money of others, and the collective debt, lead one to believe that no one knew what they were doing. We saw a collapse in the 1920s that forced the government to have to insure the deposits of the individuals. We saw the scams of the savings and loan companies of the 1980s. And now we see a scam where banks traded unpaid mortgages as a commodity rather than something solvent like a company with an actual product.
Once it all caved in, when all their excess fund dried up and were spent, all of these giants of the finance world were left with the reality that they pushed it too far, made too many mistakes and now are reigning in the funding.
Just the other day I went to apply for a refinancing of my student loans. I have not missed a payment for years, when I was in my growing pain years of my late 20s, and I have tried to maintain good credit by paying or overpaying my loans to the point at which I am comfortably having enough money. However, I was informed that my debt-to-income ration would require me to get someone to co-sign a loan. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I realize that, as far as income goes, I do not have all that much. But I also do not drown in debt every month. But I did take out student loans when I was younger and they are almost my annual income. However, my payments don't choke me all that bad, just that it will take me a good, long while to pay them off.
All I was looking for was a lower interest rate through my bank. If could do that, I could attach it to my bank account and overpay that as well. As it stands, I am paying too high an interest because, two years ago, the interest rates were godawful.
While I agree that I am a tadpole in Lake Superior, I think I deserve a shot at a lower interest rate just like AIG gets a bailout. I handle my finances better than they do. I shouldn't have to be made to feel like an ass because I have debt, should I?
I know I lost track of my point but my point is that this is the reality we face. That is our world in common. Everyone is affected by this modern era. Now if we could only get back to basics.
Eventually we created tools, like most creatures do. Our hands and feet were great for some things but not all. It was easier to dig holes or carry things with the right equipment. And clothing also helped us maintain our body temperature when were to lazy to move beyond our season-changing locations.
So, flash forward to modern times, we not only have all the basics covered but we have moved well beyond into the world of automation and motion. We can travel farther, faster and more than we could have imagined in our hides and bone tools. However, many of us are become complacent to the world and this is troubling, to say the least.
With all the advancements we have made we all begin assuming rather than knowing. We assume we are guaranteed tomorrow or guaranteed that, if we work, we will be provided with the currency to provide ourselves the means by and which we survive. Of course, in a modern world, no one has to worry too much about these fundamental things because, well, we have support structures and safety nets and, the evil of all evils, credit.
Our world is now in a false peril because of that last little bit. Once assumed that, if one puts forth an effort, one is rewarded. So we extend and extend and extend ourselves out to the point where the house of cards could crumble at any moment. I am not just talking about the small change stuff like credit cards and car loans. I am talking about loans from banks to other banks, investment loans and business loans. I am referring to companies extending themselves on the false assumption that a short-term demand (in the grander scheme of things) is enough reason to extend oneself to the brink of collapse.
Banks are a thing that I have become more and more intrigued with as of late. The headlines alone give one reason to pause because the collective money of others, and the collective debt, lead one to believe that no one knew what they were doing. We saw a collapse in the 1920s that forced the government to have to insure the deposits of the individuals. We saw the scams of the savings and loan companies of the 1980s. And now we see a scam where banks traded unpaid mortgages as a commodity rather than something solvent like a company with an actual product.
Once it all caved in, when all their excess fund dried up and were spent, all of these giants of the finance world were left with the reality that they pushed it too far, made too many mistakes and now are reigning in the funding.
Just the other day I went to apply for a refinancing of my student loans. I have not missed a payment for years, when I was in my growing pain years of my late 20s, and I have tried to maintain good credit by paying or overpaying my loans to the point at which I am comfortably having enough money. However, I was informed that my debt-to-income ration would require me to get someone to co-sign a loan. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I realize that, as far as income goes, I do not have all that much. But I also do not drown in debt every month. But I did take out student loans when I was younger and they are almost my annual income. However, my payments don't choke me all that bad, just that it will take me a good, long while to pay them off.
All I was looking for was a lower interest rate through my bank. If could do that, I could attach it to my bank account and overpay that as well. As it stands, I am paying too high an interest because, two years ago, the interest rates were godawful.
While I agree that I am a tadpole in Lake Superior, I think I deserve a shot at a lower interest rate just like AIG gets a bailout. I handle my finances better than they do. I shouldn't have to be made to feel like an ass because I have debt, should I?
I know I lost track of my point but my point is that this is the reality we face. That is our world in common. Everyone is affected by this modern era. Now if we could only get back to basics.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Been a lot lately
When life gives you lemons, you are supposed to make lemonade, right?
Well, I don't know about you but I have been holding onto those lemons for a long, long time and am now just realizing that I may have been looking at it all wrong.
So I hold a lemon in my hand, inspect it, and crush it. One by one I am making me some lemonade, just not as progressively as others.
I have spent the last couple of years in what I can only describe as a state of denial. I denied I had a gambling problem, I denied that I was content with my work and my living situation. I looked for escape routes where ever I could find them and I left the country or went to casino or went to Duluth or I just went into more denial and put it all in the back of my brain.
But something wonderful has happened to me as of late. I have done some growing up and realize that it is okay to be 34 years old and it is okay to work where I work, even if it isn't the dream job.
I have also spent a lot more time not letting people run my life for me. These past three days I have planned my life for me, not for anyone else. I called friends who I haven't seen in a while and took a walk out in the cold. I pulled the camera out of the dust. I cleaned things in my apartment that need cleaning. I went through my computer and cleaned out things that I didn't need.
I wrote a play a couple of years ago called "Late Bloomer." It is about someone who traces back through his life only realize all of his missteps make him a stronger person, or at least the person he is. It is partly autobiographical in that I always want to apologize to people for having been who I was when I was that person. So, for every dumb thing I said or did, I wanted to apologize.
But is that how life should go? Should we have to apologize when we are self-conscious or when we actually do things in a malicious manner? I take the later, as it does not benefit one to beat themselves up for their past. I have done plenty of that and, in turn, have denied myself who I could be. It have me an easy out and I was able to not try as hard because, well, I didn't feel deserving of success. But that is going to change. Enough feeling like I don't deserve better. I am better. I am awesome. Screw those that don't understand that or want to put me down to make themselves feel better.
Now is the time to seize my life, make my decisions and make me happy. Good luck to me...
Well, I don't know about you but I have been holding onto those lemons for a long, long time and am now just realizing that I may have been looking at it all wrong.
So I hold a lemon in my hand, inspect it, and crush it. One by one I am making me some lemonade, just not as progressively as others.
I have spent the last couple of years in what I can only describe as a state of denial. I denied I had a gambling problem, I denied that I was content with my work and my living situation. I looked for escape routes where ever I could find them and I left the country or went to casino or went to Duluth or I just went into more denial and put it all in the back of my brain.
But something wonderful has happened to me as of late. I have done some growing up and realize that it is okay to be 34 years old and it is okay to work where I work, even if it isn't the dream job.
I have also spent a lot more time not letting people run my life for me. These past three days I have planned my life for me, not for anyone else. I called friends who I haven't seen in a while and took a walk out in the cold. I pulled the camera out of the dust. I cleaned things in my apartment that need cleaning. I went through my computer and cleaned out things that I didn't need.
I wrote a play a couple of years ago called "Late Bloomer." It is about someone who traces back through his life only realize all of his missteps make him a stronger person, or at least the person he is. It is partly autobiographical in that I always want to apologize to people for having been who I was when I was that person. So, for every dumb thing I said or did, I wanted to apologize.
But is that how life should go? Should we have to apologize when we are self-conscious or when we actually do things in a malicious manner? I take the later, as it does not benefit one to beat themselves up for their past. I have done plenty of that and, in turn, have denied myself who I could be. It have me an easy out and I was able to not try as hard because, well, I didn't feel deserving of success. But that is going to change. Enough feeling like I don't deserve better. I am better. I am awesome. Screw those that don't understand that or want to put me down to make themselves feel better.
Now is the time to seize my life, make my decisions and make me happy. Good luck to me...
Friday, November 7, 2008
Forecast depressing
Okay, here is the skinny:
I have written a play. I wrote it seven years ago. I re-wrote about 13 more times since then. I have had three readings and have submitted it to several contests around the country. No one has bit.
So I decided, back in August or so, that I would do it my damn self. I had saved some money and found a place to play it and started looking for a director and actors and began putting more and more money away.
Then I held the audition. Only a handful of people showed up and, though we found some people, it didn't fill out the cast. Speed bump one...
Then I made Cory audition and I guess that opened up a can of worms I wasn't expecting. Speed bump two hit this evening when I was informed that I do not have him as my lead because of a lack of faith.
After all this, I am hit with the notion of failure. I have failed to secure the location, failed to secure a cast and just can feel the fail coming on like a bat out of hell.
Am I just being a big baby? I sure hope not.
I have written a play. I wrote it seven years ago. I re-wrote about 13 more times since then. I have had three readings and have submitted it to several contests around the country. No one has bit.
So I decided, back in August or so, that I would do it my damn self. I had saved some money and found a place to play it and started looking for a director and actors and began putting more and more money away.
Then I held the audition. Only a handful of people showed up and, though we found some people, it didn't fill out the cast. Speed bump one...
Then I made Cory audition and I guess that opened up a can of worms I wasn't expecting. Speed bump two hit this evening when I was informed that I do not have him as my lead because of a lack of faith.
After all this, I am hit with the notion of failure. I have failed to secure the location, failed to secure a cast and just can feel the fail coming on like a bat out of hell.
Am I just being a big baby? I sure hope not.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Putting my apartment back together
Okay, here is the skinny:
Over the past summer my apartment has fallen apart on many levels. The first was a gutter problem that forced water to enter my apartment through my bedroom wall. I didn't find out about the leak until it had destroyed a couple of things in my bedroom (and pissed me off to no end).
The second is Cory's shower, which, I guess, has been leaking between the tiles for quite some time. So Cory has been without a shower now for 3 weeks. Oh, if you didn't know, we each have our own bedrooms, albeit mine is in the public area.
Two weeks ago the third catastrophe hit our apartment when our dishwasher stopped working properly. So, now I am a manual dishwasher. Awesome!
well, some good news came our way. The gutter got fixed and the hole patched. This morning I put the bookcase back into place (it is 7 feet tall and weighs a ton). Now I can see out of all of my windows again!
Cory got a call this morning that I can only assume meant that they would be starting on his shower soon. And, on Wednesday, they should be coming in to work on the dishwasher.
This is the last, I repeat, last year I will live in this apartment. I don't care if they were to paint the walls, put in new cupboards or colored carpet. This is year number four and I haven't lived anywhere this long since becoming an adult. Besides, Edina is okay but it is not the urban life I dreamt of. I want my latte from across the street. Same with a pizza or a bar (if I ever decide to drink heavily). I just need things to be within walking distance, that's all. And character. My apartment has no character and a crappy, slow elevator to go to my car.
But the bookcase is back in place and my room looks less like a construction zone.
Peace.
Over the past summer my apartment has fallen apart on many levels. The first was a gutter problem that forced water to enter my apartment through my bedroom wall. I didn't find out about the leak until it had destroyed a couple of things in my bedroom (and pissed me off to no end).
The second is Cory's shower, which, I guess, has been leaking between the tiles for quite some time. So Cory has been without a shower now for 3 weeks. Oh, if you didn't know, we each have our own bedrooms, albeit mine is in the public area.
Two weeks ago the third catastrophe hit our apartment when our dishwasher stopped working properly. So, now I am a manual dishwasher. Awesome!
well, some good news came our way. The gutter got fixed and the hole patched. This morning I put the bookcase back into place (it is 7 feet tall and weighs a ton). Now I can see out of all of my windows again!
Cory got a call this morning that I can only assume meant that they would be starting on his shower soon. And, on Wednesday, they should be coming in to work on the dishwasher.
This is the last, I repeat, last year I will live in this apartment. I don't care if they were to paint the walls, put in new cupboards or colored carpet. This is year number four and I haven't lived anywhere this long since becoming an adult. Besides, Edina is okay but it is not the urban life I dreamt of. I want my latte from across the street. Same with a pizza or a bar (if I ever decide to drink heavily). I just need things to be within walking distance, that's all. And character. My apartment has no character and a crappy, slow elevator to go to my car.
But the bookcase is back in place and my room looks less like a construction zone.
Peace.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Consumerism: Spend less
This morning I logged into my Wells Fargo account and did something I like to do with my "my money" week income: I paid down my bills and transferred money to my credit card.
I know this is something one should do all of the time but it took me longer than most to really build up a head of steam. You see, for most of my adult life, I have been in love with the trappings of making money rather than the eventual having of money for a future expenditure.
It all started when I bought my most extravagant purchase in my adult life: My television. Forty-two inches diagonal, 1080p and having all the bells and whistles one could ask for, I struggled for weeks with the intention of purchasing an LCD television. One day, on a whim, now it seems, I went to the store and took out an interest-free, three-year loan to buy an $1,800 television (including warranty and DVD player). But that's when it hit me.
Most of the last couple of years, finally achieving constant employment and a steady income, I finally realized I made a big mistake. I didn't need this television. And, if the television lasts for 10 years, it cost nearly $200/year to own it. What the hell was I thinking?
Compounding it with my recent love of cycling, another $2,000 spent this summer, and gambling, $3,500/year on average, and it's no wonder that I am debt-laden and pondering the life of minimalist.
What it all comes down to is that, after years of bad habits, I realize I got caught up in an expensive lifestyle. Thank goodness I make enough money to have this lifestyle but it has buried me. I owe more money, at present, than I make in a year (including student loans). I realize that, at minimum payments, I could only knock my debt down by $3,000 in the next year. Only $3,000! Meanwhile I would be paying $2,400 in interest over that time!
Most people who find themselves in over their heads try to change when it is too late. Not me. I started a couple of months ago. Any extra money I have in a month is going to be broken up as such: Additional $10/month to television, $50 extra to credit card, $50 to savings and changing the minimum payment to student loan by $25. Hopefully, in a year (or less) I have no television payment, cut my credit card by 1/3 and, finally, got my total debt below my annual pre-tax income.
Let's just hope I don't want some new toy. So far, so good.
Peace.
I know this is something one should do all of the time but it took me longer than most to really build up a head of steam. You see, for most of my adult life, I have been in love with the trappings of making money rather than the eventual having of money for a future expenditure.
It all started when I bought my most extravagant purchase in my adult life: My television. Forty-two inches diagonal, 1080p and having all the bells and whistles one could ask for, I struggled for weeks with the intention of purchasing an LCD television. One day, on a whim, now it seems, I went to the store and took out an interest-free, three-year loan to buy an $1,800 television (including warranty and DVD player). But that's when it hit me.
Most of the last couple of years, finally achieving constant employment and a steady income, I finally realized I made a big mistake. I didn't need this television. And, if the television lasts for 10 years, it cost nearly $200/year to own it. What the hell was I thinking?
Compounding it with my recent love of cycling, another $2,000 spent this summer, and gambling, $3,500/year on average, and it's no wonder that I am debt-laden and pondering the life of minimalist.
What it all comes down to is that, after years of bad habits, I realize I got caught up in an expensive lifestyle. Thank goodness I make enough money to have this lifestyle but it has buried me. I owe more money, at present, than I make in a year (including student loans). I realize that, at minimum payments, I could only knock my debt down by $3,000 in the next year. Only $3,000! Meanwhile I would be paying $2,400 in interest over that time!
Most people who find themselves in over their heads try to change when it is too late. Not me. I started a couple of months ago. Any extra money I have in a month is going to be broken up as such: Additional $10/month to television, $50 extra to credit card, $50 to savings and changing the minimum payment to student loan by $25. Hopefully, in a year (or less) I have no television payment, cut my credit card by 1/3 and, finally, got my total debt below my annual pre-tax income.
Let's just hope I don't want some new toy. So far, so good.
Peace.
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