I am tired of my life. Day in and day out it is this lame cycle that goes the same. I do the same thing, go to the same places, with the same people, and work at the same job doing the same thing like a cookie cutter.
I look mostly the same and I still feed the same vices. I make no headway on anything and I don't get any real satisfaction from anything anymore.
What I could use is moving away and starting wholly over with my life. I could do it, I really could. I just need a backpack to carry my TV in...
But seriously I have tried very little, honestly, to change my life. Maybe I am afraid of something or maybe I am just down in the dumps. Whatever it is it is making me lose my smile. I am happy in little spurts these days and can't shake the feeling that I have already achieved the best I will achieve.
I don't want to turn to drugs or alcohol and, if I told anyone other than a blog how I am feeling, I would be ridiculed. How fortunate that this blog is not read by anyone...
Tomorrow I will get up and go for a long bike ride. I may go longer than ever before because I am having problems shaking my insecurities and a good ride seems to make me feel better.
Peace.
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Monday, April 14, 2008
Dreaming about work
I work a lot. At a minimum I work five shifts per week. Right now I am in a pattern of having six or more shifts a week. With little free time and a constant feeling of having to do something with my time, I am bordering on being crazy.
But to just pile more on, I also dream about work almost every night. And it isn't just the job I have, waiting tables, but I am back in the Air Force Reserve, something I left behind over a year ago, and I am going nuts by it.
It's not that I don't enjoy what I do. I take great pride in how I do my job and it gives me a comfortable life. But it seems endless right now. The dream dictionary gives me the definition that I feel like I have unfinished business at work but that doesn't apply to my line of work. What I think the dreams mean is that I feel pulled every which direction and have fallen into a pattern where I am becoming more anxious and more aggravated and it will eventually consume me. I found myself going gambling just to get away from all of it only to have that become part of my routine.
So far, and that is a short so far, I am trying to eliminate the bad habits and get into more adventurous ones to spice it up but it's going to be a long, long journey back to what I consider sanity.
Peace.
But to just pile more on, I also dream about work almost every night. And it isn't just the job I have, waiting tables, but I am back in the Air Force Reserve, something I left behind over a year ago, and I am going nuts by it.
It's not that I don't enjoy what I do. I take great pride in how I do my job and it gives me a comfortable life. But it seems endless right now. The dream dictionary gives me the definition that I feel like I have unfinished business at work but that doesn't apply to my line of work. What I think the dreams mean is that I feel pulled every which direction and have fallen into a pattern where I am becoming more anxious and more aggravated and it will eventually consume me. I found myself going gambling just to get away from all of it only to have that become part of my routine.
So far, and that is a short so far, I am trying to eliminate the bad habits and get into more adventurous ones to spice it up but it's going to be a long, long journey back to what I consider sanity.
Peace.
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